Leaving Home

Let me backtrack a moment.
But just for a moment.
The story of how my house was ultimately sold is such a good one - I will have to come back to it when I have more time/free internet. Right now, I am sitting in an expensive (by my standards) hotel in Capetown, S.Africa. And the internet here is EXPENSIVE.

Let me just say, that the actual selling of the house -and packing/cleaning of the house were GIANT stories in my life.
So many tears shed. So much gratitude.
People have told me through the years that I was generous with my house - sharing it, lending it, housing homeless or lost friends and family....some even accused me of being too generous.
But in the end - it was - and is - I who am grateful for that house. That home. And I know now more than ever how well I had it there for all those years. What a LUXURY that place really was.

The last night in the house - the VERY LAST NIGHT - I was there with Angela, Mark (my gay BFF), Max (my son) and his great friend, Jake (my 'adopted son') and Jeff (new friend and tenant). Stuart (my very oldest friend in the world) stopped by as well for a few minutes. Angela, Mark and I had been working like dogs non -stop for days. With help from Max and Jake when they could. We were all exhausted.Physically, mentally,emotionally. Fried.

But despite this, we all decided to have a picnic/sleepover that last night. No furniture, no plates....
Angela brought pretty glasses from her place for cocktails. Mark grabbed a chinese looking coffee table from the trash pile outside and put down my Thai 'carpet' in front of a roaring fire. We lit candles and Jeff and I brought picnic supplies and plenty of whiskey from the grocery store down the street. Everyone slept on blankets and sleeping bags - all of the beds were packed. We ate, drank, told stories, sang, laughed and cried that last night. It was a night to remember - and the perfect way to end my 22 yr long relationship with a house I bought and paid for and fought for and loved passionately.

Then Mark and I packed my cat, Zyll, up in my new car and drove her to Texas to stay with my Dad. The drive was an adventure, and a story of it's own. I shall get photos from Mark and post them to help tell it properly.

My stuff was all in one storage container, and will stay there - somewhere outside of L.A. - until I find a new place to live. I didn't keep much. Mostly just art and sentimental things. New furniture can be bought. I gave all the good stuff to Max so that he can find a place and make it home.

The moment Mark got into the car and we headed east on the 210 through the pouring rain, I knew I had left my home for real, and wouldn't be back for a very long time.

"The world is big.." I thought to myself."There must be somewhere in this giant world that is just as nice as  the perfect spot in the Hollywood Hills...or nicer."
I thought this to myself over and over again on that long drive. Trying to convince myself. Trying to allow hope to overcome and conquer the hollow ache that was quickly filling up my insides.